Growing Up With 6 Sisters Was The Best Worst Thing Ever

“The Nealon Clan” — it’s how our entire town knows us. It’s a medieval moniker that sounds straight out of the Celtic war flick, Braveheart. Then again, life in the Nealon household was war.

To the mornings woken up by the sound of clashes of thunderous egos, fighting to stand their ground in the bathroom. To the mornings being pounced on by little gremlins clawing at your face to wake up. To the mornings I walked downstairs, opened the cabinet and realized — I should have hid that cereal box. To the mornings I had to conversationally battle against man’s worst enemy…the teenage woman.

Fight and battle. Words that plagued our household, but not in the way you’d imagine. The fight amongst brethren was rarely seen outside the red-painted barn we called our home. The queen was in tight control of her children, and rarely an ill word was leaked to the public. But behind closed doors, you could only dream of the chaos that ensued.

For the most part our house was like a beehive. Seven individuals harmoniously working together, each tasked with their own unique responsibility within the colony. If you were an underperforming member of society, we’d pick up your slack, but not before slaying you (hypothetically of course).

But, there was one member within the household who had complete control, all of us arranging our lives around the one central member of the beehive — the Queen. Not the king, the Queen…sorry dad. Mom was in charge of this house, and she made it clear to all those who dared to question her authority.

Like the time another mother in our town, not to mention names, said “We need your husband’s approval.” Or the time my father dared to say to her, “I make the money, I do what I want.” To the time I explained to my mother that “I can come and go as I please” …to which she responded, “No you can’t. Not as long as you live under my roof.” To which, I bought her ice cream and flowers in hopes of forgiveness. And to those who know, ice cream and a smile is as good to her as bee’s honey.

See, Mom is sweet as can be, but if you dare tarnish her hive — expect to be stung. She makes sure her hive is flawless. In fact, the perfection she demanded wasn’t just from others or in the upkeep of her house. She demanded more than the dishes to be washed, floors to be cleaned, clothes to be pressed. My mom wanted perfection in school, sports, religion and she got it. If I were a betting man, I’d say the reason is because my mom had six daughters. It seems as though daughters actually listen to their parents. (Take note future moms & dads).

To this day, I’m 100% sure if I had another brother — we’d F*CK it all up. On numerous occasions I’ve made the right decision over the wrong because of the influence of my sisters. For example, my above average — mediocre grade point average are all thanks to you Maureen, Brianne, Kiera, Claire, Faith, and Grace. Sisters save lives. I think I’ve heard that phrase somewhere, but if not it should be a rallying cry for my life thus far. Despite all the craziness I’ve endured growing up, I wouldn’t trade any of my sisters for the world. Okay, maybe one.

Obviously kidding.

Now on to 3 questions I’m tired of being asked:

1. “How was it like to live in a house full of women?”

Well, it was exciting, emotional, awesome, terrible, sad, happy, full of love, full of hate, explosive, perfect, almost hell-like, and at times it was heavenly. For those of you who have a teenager daughter, you know what I mean. Picture living in a small house with seven women, five of which get really bitchy at the same time once a month and combine this with limited space. Not that our house was tiny, but have you ever seen how much acreage an individual woman needs?

So, with over 23-years of experience dealing in sisterly bickering, I Brian Nealon, would like to certify myself as the world’s best peacekeeper. People always say not to make deals with the devil, but in a house of seven hormonal women, you learn to negotiate with the best society has to offer.

2. What’s the one thing I learned after all these years?

The one thing I learned: women are always right, it’s a fact every man has to accept. How can you win an argument with a woman? The answer: you can’t. For those men out there who want to be right, here is one tip that works for me. (Though after this article, not any more).

TIP: Agree with a woman’s argument (early on). If you’re already in too deep and they’re now looking for a fight, throw a curve ball. Tell her she looks good today, tell her that you are excited for her friend’s party coming up. The only way to win is to swallow your pride, and when she is non-combative hours (could be days, months, years) later…she’ll agree with whatever she was going to disagree with.

If this doesn’t work, I’m sorry. You should already know that there is no way to understand a woman.

3. Were you always hoping for a little brother each time your mom got pregnant?

Yes. Yes, I wanted Little Timmy. I wanted a brother I could pick on, beat up, make fun of, get in trouble with, and eventually grow up loving. I loved baseball, and though I never had a brother to play with or coach, I recruited my sisters. In particular, Brianne, my Irish twin. I swear to this day, the reason why she doesn’t “throw like a girl” and was an absolute baller in high school was because of me. (Brianne, let me have this one please). In the end, I love all my sisters and wouldn’t trade them for the world.

In conclusion, despite all the times my sisters dressed me up in skirts and adorned my face in lipstick (happened), all the times I’ve been kicked out of the bathroom and had to go to school with my face half-shaven (happened), and all the times that I’ve been beaten into a coma for telling mom on them (didn’t happen, but verbally yes), I’m glad to call myself the favorite son.

The real answer is, living with six sisters is a blessing. Don’t feel bad for me, envy me.

(Update: We bought a dog…another woman to look after -___-)

Brian Nealon

I’m a journalist, filmmaker, and photographer who has done work for the New York Rangers, New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles, SBNation, Men’s Fitness, Muscle & Fitness, Kelly & Ryan, Good Morning America, and more. I also can’t sing, but somehow made my way on tour with Kelly Clarkson. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯