I Took a Train From Hell

I woke up today feeling super crappy. I’ve been a little sick since I got lost 10 miles into the Appalachian Mountains on Sunday with my sis and Murt (details in next blog) – probably due to the fact that winter is upon us. #GlobalWarming

But, I guess I also feel a little off cause I have a massive bump on my forehead after walking into a ceiling (yes, a ceiling) while working the New York Rangers game Saturday.

I was in the production room getting my headset when everyone heard a huge BANG…and then I realized it was me…I nearly cracked my skull & had to go to the team trainers.

Case in point, this weekend was brutal & Monday morning was just as crappy…I mean creepy. Hopefully, the two aren’t in a relationship because then I might need to see a doctor. Enough background, here’s what happened:

I woke up feeling super crappy, ate some Honey Wheels (Wegmans knockoff of Honey Combs), got changed and drove my empty-fueled car (10 miles to E) to the train station because I was cutting it close to arriving on time for work. I grabbed the 8:30 am train, thank God…and I was on my way.

10 minutes in, BANG…the train slams its breaks. A little unusual, but okay, maybe there’s train traffic. Seconds later, through my struggling eyes – I look out, we’re on the side of the Ben Franklin bridge overlooking the beautiful town of Camden. 3 minutes later, the train conductor talks over the PA system, “I will be walking through the train cars to the back of the locomotive. I will explain why we stopped as I walk through each car.” I see the man, he doesn’t talk or say a word….he runs between cars with a look of concern.

I was relieved once I saw his nervous face and frantic eyes burst through the train doors, 200 feet above the closest trap house, with nothing but a metal rod between me and certain death. Dude didn’t deliver on his word either, no explanation for the stop…wonderful.

12 minutes later, the conductor pops his head through our car. I text my boss that my train is late, hinting that I just might die without causing too much concern. BANG…the train is in motion. Off we go!

BANG…the train stops at the apex of the bridge, at the highest point possible -_- (This way if our train tips or platform fails, we plunge into the Delaware making for a better news story.) Okay, I’m starting to worry but I’m not alone. I look around at people with “What the f*ck” written all over their face. I text Kait, my girl, just in case something crazy happens. I want to tell her I love her (*awwwww*).

We start moving again, but it feels as though we are trudging along…You know when you’re driving a shitty car & see the red light come on, but only have 10 more miles till your home? “Engine Failure, ahh no big deal.” Our dude was like “train is falling apart…Ahh only three more stops.”

BANG…the train arrives at 15/16^th and Locust (my stop). We all rush out. “This train is out of service, do not board train. This train is out of service, do not board train. This train is out of service, do not board train” he repeats over the station PA. Doors close as I climb the stairs towards surface level.

BANG…I see the train head off once more, heading into the empty space that exists just passed the end of the line. I walk through the metal gates, no longer in view of the train. I walk down the 200 foot hallway, just below the stairs that lead to outside (or freedom).

BANG…as the train chugs under our feet, a switch is flipped. Something went wrong. All the lights go out. Everything turns to utter darkness. Everyone gasps. Hundreds of people walking through the underground attempt to see in pitch black.

10 seconds. BANG…the lights come on. BANG…the lights go out. BANG…the lights come on. BANG…the lights go out. It continues to flicker down the hallway.

“Okay, this is actually getting kinda creepy” says a 60-year-old woman/probably coolest grandma in the world.

On, off, on, off, on, off.

The perfect ending to the ride from hell.

Happy Halloween!

Which begs to question, does anybody remember Train 25? It’s the only Hey Arnold! Episode I ever fully remembered. I think it came to life.