My Response to BroBible for Giving My Last Article a B-

Heyo there, I just wanted to take a quick second to introduce my accountant – Joe King. Not to brag or anything, but this man is a graduate of Hartford. If you say that two times fast, it’s quite impressive.

Message from Joe King:

I apologize for the headline on Brian’s last article, I’ll admit it was straight, pure genuine click-bait…but you can’t blame him since he was raised working for a company that owns the National Enquirer. Bless up David Pecker – if you want to see Arnold (Yes the “Governator” one) bash the man…here’s a sweet little video for you: (JK, Brian wanted to, but I advised him against that).

BroBible, Brian wanted to express that he is not mad. Brian loves you. For those who want to know the premise behind the article, this is the tweet he got:

Now, technically a D+ is passing, Brian can’t be mad at that. And to be honest, he is very appreciative for BroBible explaining why the score was so low.

But, Brian wants a C…so here’s Brian’s “answer to the basic thesis (he) presented, “How Two Bros Turned $100 into Thousands at the 2018 Governor’s Ball.”

I’ll keep it as simple as possible: (And I’ll keep this all hypothetical, as to protect my client)

1. Brian (hypothetically) bought a wristband for $100…Entire price for Sunday Gov Ball experience.
2. Brian (hypothetically) got free drinks from VIP section, 6 total: $24 X 6= $144
3. Brian (hypothetically) watched performers from VIP section
   1. A one-day VIP pass was $700 + fees (it sold out Saturday…value via Craigslist once sold out, was $1250)
4. In addition to his (hypothetical) VIP privilege, Brian (hypothetically) gained access backstage was granted with on-stage viewing, endless food (chicken fingers were “hypothetically” amazing).
   1. This privilege was open to only 100 “lucky people.”
   2. The 3-day “Platinum” pass sold for $2,190
5. If you don’t want to add #4 to the total ticket evaluation (because Brian technically only went one day),
6. Brian (hypothetically) met Vic Mensa. Price to meet Vic Mensa at his last performance: $200.
7. Cost to have Grammy-nominated artist promote your blog: $1200 (based on the price evaluation to have a 700K+ influencer film a promotional video).
8. Cost to stand in pouring rain, listening to Eminem & 50 Cent trade bars: Priceless. (Means nothing to this argument, just thought it was cool af).

Total Ticket Evaluation: $2,794 (Not including #4)
Amount Paid: $100

Thesis Conclusion: “How Two Bros Turned $100 into Thousands at the 2018 Governor’s Ball”
Report by: Hartford (JD) Joe King

END MESSAGE.

Brian speaking now (notice my teerrible grammar), and now that you have my answer, I think I might shit on Brobible. Who, btw I’ve looked up to probably my entire young adult life – to my disappointment (I’m not crying).

(Okay, I rescind…don’t want future employers to know I got my news from Brobible.) They had rated my article a D+, which I agree with because my writing is not editorially correct, quite frankly it sucks.

I just want to shit on them for no reason. They’re a cool website that has awesome news stories, they find the coolest shit ever…okay, so I guess that’s not shitting on them.

Let me just end my rant with this: I sent my article to 5 publications. 3 of which got back to me, all with positive feedback from the article, 2 of which offered to promote it. One of which was owned by the same company as Brobible.com…Uproxx media. To which (Uproxx.com) said “Are you hoping to write for us or to have us share things you’ve posted elsewhere? I read the gov ball story and liked it a lot.”

Thank you Brobible, I love you. Just fuck with someone your own size.