Rest In Peace Geoffrey, I’m No Longer a “Toys R US” Kid

Goodbye Toys R US. My second home, a place where memories of me testing out toys as a tot were abound. I’ll forever miss you Geoffrey. From the awesome commercials to the unreal store in NYC to the (now really depressing) “I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid” jingle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJJ-ZLdrTwY

I guess we are all grown up now.

Did you watch Incredibles 2? You know that preview short film they showed where the mother ate it’s dumpling kid to stop him from growing up? How relatable is this story to our favorite giraffe? Just look at him.

The pic of Geoffrey the Giraffe saying goodbye on the final day of Toys-R-Us makes me so sad pic.twitter.com/mfTvhgdoU9

— Jake Smith (@JakeTh3Tank) June 28, 2018

In a sad twist of fate, it was those same “I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys R Us” kids that grew up into busy parents – neglecting the store that helped raise them. Shopping in stores turned to shopping online, and DAMN RIGHT IT’S MORE CONVENIENT!

WTF TOYS R US?! How could you not understand your child? How could you not see that your child was growing up before your very eyes? How could you not adapt to our growing needs? Why did you not share us with our uncles & aunts, or let us explore other avenues? Why didn’t you let us hang out with our friends? Was it your pride?

When Amazon showed up at the front door and asked me to play tag with him, why did you slam the door on his face? F*CK YOU man. You did all this to yourself. You never knew me…you coddled me as a toddler and held my hand through childhood, but you NEVER LET GO!

I’m sorry Toys R US. I didn’t mean to yell. I know that it’s hard, but you have to let your children grow up. Let them experience the world, adapt the way you parent so that you are still relatable when they return. Because one day, we will have kids, and you will be a grandparent. Kids love their grandparents. And yes, kids will again be at your shelves, looking for toys to name their own.

Kids will again run with their Uncle Jimmy and best friend (& sister Brianne) to your store (especially the one with the ocean view in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn that they salivated over every time they crossed the Verrazano bridge). The same “mischievous duo” will once again walk in to pick up that 1 toy perfectly crafted for them. Maybe now they’re a 23-year old Philly worker & 21-year old college grad, maybe now they’re in a different stage of life, but one day they will have kids….and who will they run to?

Not you Toys R Us. You f*cked up.

You gripped your child’s hand so tight that they ran away as soon as they saw freedom. You became bitter, and began to hate the cool uncle Amazon, never adapting to new environments. When it was time for us to have kids, we did come back. But, you never changed. You were still overpriced, not online, and not Amazon.

I’ll end my eulogy with these words:

Toys R US, you just closed your last store today, the end of a chain known to generations of children and parents for its sprawling stores, brightly colored logo, and Geoffrey the giraffe mascot. Thank you for raising me as a “Toys R US” kid, and Geoffrey – I’m sorry it turned out this way. You will always have a special place in my heart. Though I do wish my kids had the chance to know you (is that really my fault?), I’m glad you were a part of my life. Geoffrey the giraffe, rest in peace….(I mean the new children’s hospital that’ll be your new home in upstate New Jersey.)

#RIP Toys R US.

Toys 'R Us has closed down and if Geoffrey The Giraffe with his little suitcase leaving the empty store and the idea that we have all grown up and left childhood behind doesn't bring a tear to your eye then I can't help you pic.twitter.com/YSCxsvEhxo

— Gina Martin (@beaniegigi) June 28, 2018