Ireland’s in a Drought, the World is Over

What has our world come to? The land of Eire, the land of drunkards & fun-loving souls, the land of emerald greenery is disappearing. Okay, not really…but the water is.

The Irish Times reports that water shortages could last ‘until the end of the year.’ This comes after 20 days of almost zero precipitation! And you know what, I blame America (& my sisters).

Why? I blame America for no reason, just want to piss off some people. I blame my sisters because they both traveled together to Ireland about (exactly) 20 days ago.

Coincidence, I think not. In fact, their entire trip was plagued with beautiful sun, no rain. And ironically, guess when they finally encountered the watery beast in the “Land of Leprechauns?” … Rain fell on their last day in Dublin. Figures.

Ireland told ‘em to get the hell out of there, and prayed to St. Patrick to drive the snakes away. (not in that order of course, take it easy sis – the St. Patrick thing happened way before you got there).

So, since it’s probably not my sisters that caused this drought (though for purposes of useless banter above), we have a global warming issue on our hands.

Listen, we need to slow this shit down guys. Like Ireland has no rain right now and is hotter than it’s ever been.

I honestly didn’t care about the dying polar bears & the evaporating artic glaciers before, but once I heard my people tears (though Irish don’t cry – and clearly not the sky)…”Jesus, Mary, and Joseph” you bet I rose my ass up out of that chair. You messed with the wrong people, don’t f*ck with our sky.

It’s time to end global warming. Not because of the polar bears, or the sea level rise and floods, or the increase in hurricanes and natural destruction, or decline of agriculture, or the acidic ocean, or the coral extinction, or the massive animal species loss. It’s time to end global warming because soon I won’t be able to sip a perfectly poured Guinness while golfing on the Emerald Greens after a gorgeous hike up Croagh Patrick…and even the end of the world won’t stop me from doing that.

St. Patrick, we need you drive off these snakes once more.